I want to say "I'm great, thanks!" every time anybody greets me or asks me either seriously or casually without meaning much, as is the case most often. But I can't say it cause doing so makes me feel guilty of not being truthful, although they won't know my reality or even care to know. So, "Hmm, I'm OK!" is normally my response.
I know I am not doing great. Nothing is going as good as I wanted. Not that I have too many wants or too big of wants. Even the simpler wants don't seem to be falling into my way. The situation worsens by the each passing day as I helplessly gaze myself spiralling into the deepest level of hopelessness. Seeing me in such a bad shape, some of my mates would out of deep concern ask me "where is the positivity that you used to always exude?" My guess is just as good as theirs.
That feeling of hopelessness creeps in every now and then, almost paralysing my academic pursuit forward. It is so frustrating but in the truest of sense there is not much of way-out options from this bad situation than fighting till the last breath. I have been looking for an answer in the form of inspirations and motivation from external sources which have been largely successful but now it remains for me to really refocus, if possible reinvent and relaunch from this bad port to a higher, perhaps a better place. I need to really regain my confidence and self-esteem which I have been running on low for quite a while now.
But I have not been able to figure how to do so far. The remedies that I have been trying to put up have yet to yield positive result. All the while I came to realise that the situation can either make you or break you. Its the way how you handle it that matters the most. Sometimes, I feel it isn't always the case that the "Tough situation makes strong person". But there is always a hope in everything, and that a solution exists to every problem. Just that it may not be so trivial to figure it out yet, that much I have learnt from being a struggling yet passionate practicing mathematician!
Hope good wishes and prayers are on my way from the beloved readers.
Happy Day. :)