A Bad Feeling! Part-II

Therefore, the day at such a heavenly place is a dream of many. I had dreamt for a few years, and thanks to the initiatives of my friends, I could finally be there. I had every reason to be happy and ecstatic about the day and the eventual destination. But I was not! I was disturbed by a thought, which I never intended to think but had to. Every single minute was a mental torture for me! I looked around to see my friends having best of their times, which I totally envied. I wished to be in their shoes but I knew I couldn’t. I was a severely disturbed lad on the block of hundreds of devotees. Hands firmly clasped into a form of lotus flower, I tried visualizing Buddha and Guru Rinpoche in an effort to drive away those bothering thoughts. Although I was surrounded by hundreds of people, I felt so lonely. If it wasn’t for my camera, I would have felt even lonelier; it was the camera that gave me the best of companion on that day. Not that my friends ignored me, I know they would never do that to me, but I felt disconnected myself. I clicked and clicked catching best of their poses. Occasionally, I popped inside the frame and faked a smile. The natural smile, which I wanted to bring it over, didn’t materialize. As the Rinpoche graciously administered the Phupai Wang, I tried visualizing a phurba-spiritual dragger-as instructed. Those were the only moments I was freed of the disturbing thoughts. For a moment, I was lost in a captivation of artistic brilliance that giant and tall pillars wore in the prayer hall. I felt a deep pang of shiver and goose bumps upon seeing the gigantic Statues of Buddha, Guru Rinpoche and Karmapa. While being lost in such thoughts, the Rinpoche had already wrapped up the wang and monks and people alike were queuing towards him to get blessed. As we snaked (or perhaps snail-ed) towards the Rinpoche I scanned around and in return got amazed by every bit of artistic richness of the hall. But all these amazing moments and time came to an abrupt halt by the announcement made by a senior Monk on a microphone. He didn’t offend me, though. In fact, he was making an announcement for the devotees gathered to have lunch at the monastery which was been arranged and sponsored by someone. It was the mention of the ‘food’ that brought me a great tremor. By the each passing minute and by the passage of each moment gearing toward the lunchtime, my heart raced and my adrenaline rose. 

Well, what is with the food that made me so worried about? Okay, this is what actually happened. Earlier, I was tasked to prepare rice while rest of them prepared curry. I agreed and I didn’t foresee anything going wrong with that, particularly so because now rice cooker does the job! Right? Wrong! I had also caught up the World Cup 2014 fever and its inaugural match between home nation Brazil and Croatia was already on air. So, I would be a jerk to not stay up late, right? Wrong! I stationed comfortably in front of the TV and got lost completely in the frenzy of the opening match. By the time I realized it was already 3 AM. That means, I had barely 3 hours to sleep, that too assuming that my tenant/immediate neighbors lower their TV volume and their noise. 9:30 AM was the time set by my friends.

Around 7 AM, my roommate Karma who was leaving for Delhi on the same day was already wide awake. Else he would miss the bus. Since we weren’t going to meet until next semester, I wanted to bide goodbye and see him off. I quickly shook off the sleep and accompanied him to the road point. It was then 8:30 AM, the time at which the bus normally reaches Kanglung. We waited there patiently but as if it was to mess my day up, the bus roared came only at 9 AM! I felt restless because I had yet to cook rice. On an average it takes good 30 minutes or so for rice to be fully cooked and be ready to serve, so, I barely had enough time. I began to really worry, now. I rushed back, kicked open the door and quickly stuffed in 8 cups of rice and kept it on a cook. I was racing against the fleeing time. I murmured prayers and entrusted the rice cooker fully for the task. Fingers crossed. While it was carrying the last minute task, I watched the recap of the inaugural match that handed fan favorite Team Brazil a commending win despite the shaky start conceding its own goal! I almost fainted when my phone ranged. Not a wrong number nor a misdial. It was my friend, yes, calling me to come faster as ‘everybody’ was waiting for me. I nearly broke down then and there. Thankfully, the light on the cooker has shifted from cook to warm. Lil relief, I opened the lid only to be greeted by barely-cooked rice. It looked like they were all angry and yelling at me. I froze, literally. Not knowing what to do next, I put another 5 cups of rice into a pressure cooker thinking that it might not take much time. While it was yet to make a first whistle, I dressed up and made sure camera was working fine. I thought it was the first whistle, so I kept it on till the second whistle to blow. But little did I know that I was waiting for yet another disaster. Since it was not whistling, I gave a quick tap on the handle and instantly it whistled and off came gushing the smell of burnt rice, filled the entire room within no time. Excellent! This was exactly what I wanted to not happen!!!! This was even more worst the uncooked rice, so I tugged in the uncooked rice along with the container to a bag and hurried up to the place where my friends were supposedly thought to be waiting.


....to be cont'd

A Bad Feeling! Part - I

I have never felt this bad in a long time. The day merited a much better mood and thoughts for it was an auspicious day of Buddha’s parnirvana. For Buddhist, the day is so special that almost everybody refrains from doing regular household chores/duties and visit holy sites and monasteries to offer prayers and butter lamps. It is believed that if one engages in good activities, no matter how small it might be, the merit gained is particularly enormous on such auspicious days. Of course, by the same token if one commits sin, it is going to be enormous as well. For that matter, I guess, the day is considered special to remember Buddha’s profound life and unparallel deeds. Since the day is considered a national holiday, it is also an opportunity for people alike to get together and catch up. 

It was exactly what I was bound for, yesterday. The day before, just a moment before I retired to the bed, a friend of mine called me up asking if I would be interested to join them on a trip to Barshong Goenpa, perched right above Trashigang-S/jonkhar highway about 15 KM drive from Kanglung. The magnificent lhakhang that overlooks the Barshong village below is, from my naïve take, one of the finest lhakhang ever built in eastern Bhutan in terms of its amazing grandeur. In 3 years I have traveled through that route several times, and every time I did, it has never failed to amaze me. I have also heard a lot about it-all were stories of amazement, but it wasn’t until yesterday that I could actually be in person. The story that I heard and the idea that I had formed in my mind while traveling beneath were overly underrated. One of my friends once remarked, “Tashigang Dzong is a joke when comparing with Barshong Lhakhang”.  Now I believe him. I think the courtyard it has is also going to give a stiff competition with the famous Tendrel Thang, adjacent to Trashichhodzong. As I made my way in, I couldn’t feel anything but a total amazement. Hundreds of devotees had already gathered in the gigantic hall in which a ritual/puja dedicated to the Buddha dharma was presided over by His Eminence Zuri Rinpoche. 

His Eminence is well known as the reincarnate of Neten Bakula, one of the sixteen Arhats. In 1959, His Holiness the sixteenth Gyalwang Karmapa Rangjung Ripai Dorji and the Seventh Zuri Rinpoche Karma Dho-Ngak Choechi Singye had arrived in Bhutan. Later, the Seventh Zuri Rinpoche passed away at Dawathang, Bumthang. The present Zuri Rinpoche is the eighth incarnate and was born into descendents of Terton Pema Lingpa’s family. The newborn was recognized as a true incarnate of Zuri Rinpochen by His Holiness the Sixteenth Karmapa and named Karma Mijur Tenpae Gyaltshen Jigme Gocha. According to the pamphlet provided on the day, by 1993 the Rinpoche has paid visits to various countries viz. Hongkong, China, Singapore, and Australia teaching and initiating transmissions on essentials of Dharma. Through such visits, he gathered followers of Buddhism and had instituted a number of meditation centers. His Eminence also advocates on environment protection and has initiated animal saving programs. 

Upon the request of the people of Barshong for the benefit of the sentient beings, the Rinpoche constructed Karma Thegzum Dechenling Monastery and consecrated in October 2010. The monastery currently houses over hundred monks solely supported by Rinpoche in studying Shedra and dratshang. What makes this Buddhist college/school unique is that it provides a wholesome education to the monks in the sense it also teaches a unique Bhutanese culture such as paintings, crafts and sculptures, yoga and computer courses apart from the regular studies on Buddhist philosophy. 

...to be cont'd...

The Day!

Whenever I feel tired of my work or lose hope in it, I pull out a bunch of papers containing feedbacks provided every semester by the students and start reading word-by-word and line-by-line. I don’t have the best of feedbacks, that’s not my point, after all I am a beginner and expecting best feedbacks isn’t a reasonable thing. I know I have a long way to go to achieve that. But their feedbacks keep me going and hold me on my toes. Most of them are genuine and constructive in nature. As I stand in the classrooms doing my job, I am reminded and guided by their feedbacks. In fact, they are my true source of inspiration not other way round. Sometimes, they betray my effort and trust but I choose to focus on majority of good doings than whine over minority of bad doings. Of course, I lose control and cool. I scold them for not paying attention, not turning up on time and writing exams carelessly. But I do so all with a deep sense of care and love for them. I want them to succeed and go out with all goals fulfilled ready to take on any jobs that job markets have to offer. By the course of time, when I see them showing some improvement, being on time and showing the sense of belongingness to the college properties, I get that inexpressible satisfaction and joy. The best thing about being a teacher is the opportunity to see our students grow physically, intellectually and graduate as a complete package.

One such moment to rejoice is the teacher’s day. May 2^nd it is, the day celebrated throughout Bhutan as the Teachers’ Day coinciding with the birth anniversary of the late third Druk Gyelpo Jigme Dorji Wangchuk, who introduced modern Education in Bhutan. On this day the teachers are remembered and ‘thanked’ for their selfless effort towards making difference in others lives-the students. Like every other schools, Sherubtse College also celebrates in our own way. We (teachers) were accorded highest of honor starting from the grand reception to a great visual feast through various cultural items.

With this year’s teacher’s day, I have had the privilege to attend the event for the second time and it made me extremely proud of what I am doing for living.  What makes the day even more special is a number of students coming up and expressing their heartfelt thanks. I should say this day is the only day my phone is so engaged. J My otherwise dormant cell phone comes to live as it caters to a numerous calls and text messages from the students, past and present. Even though my phone complains of exhausting memory, I hesitate to delete those messages even after the day has been long gone and here I produce some of the messages, which I received this year’s teacher’s day. 

“May you become the inspiration of today and da dream of tomorrow as you stand infront of thousand eyes….a very happy teachers day!”

“Gud morning sir….v learnd so many things meeting u….v ve seen dat v r nt d worst cus u encouraged us….in wy v r beta everyday cus of u…u ve tuahgt us 2b sincere enuf bu duin uaslf….thanku 4 everything sir…happy teachers day…may evry wishes of uaz b fulfilled….”

“Hy sir, wish u gudmoring & hapi teachers day 2 u, mi pray & wishes willa lyz wid u…tkcr.”

“Hapi teacher’s day la sir….thank u 4 ua knowledge..support n everything la….may god bless you n may u alys b hapi la…once again thanq 4 being light in da darkness la sir….”

“A grt teacher takes a hand, opens a mind, and touches a heart” with this I wish u a very happy teachers day”

“Hapi teachers day”

“Happy Teachers’ days sir. N thank u for everything..”

“Happy Teacher day wish u happy life ahead”

“Happy teachers day to u sir. May this day be remember and cherish always. You gave us wings to fly high. We shall never forget ur Teaching. Thank u sir!!”

“Wish u a happy teachers day…..enjoy ahead”

“Happy Teacher’s day. Thank you my teacher for your wisdom n lesons that I ever hada great chance to enjoy n receive from very authentic teacher. Long life 4 all my great teachers.”

“Sir ur caring mind, loving heart, wisdom speech n helping hands had always kept us going our life. Thank u for every things u gave to us.  Happy teacher’s day la.”

“Wish you a very Happy teacher’s day….hope you are enjoying the day….have a great day and best wishes la…”

“Happy teacher’s day. Thank you sir…”

“I am so sorry sir. I am late but not too late I think. So happy teachers day la. May god bless you and may you all live long. Thank you for sending me where I am today. You hold a permanent special place in me la.”

“Wish u a very happy teacher’s day…good luck 4 d days 2 cum.”

“Dear Sir,

I looked in temples, churches, and mosques. But I found the Divine in my teachers, perhaps the classroom. Thank you sir for always encouraging and you that one of a kind who fits the description that “teacher teaches from heart”. All I want to say is “Happy teachers day” and never lose hope in use.”

“Without you we would have been lost, thank you sir for guiding, inspiring and making us what we are today. HAPPY TEACHERS DAY sir……sorry for delay wishing….”

All I could say in return was “Thank you so much!” and of course, “I have high hopes from you all and I know for sure that one day you all will do me proud.”

My Apologies!

Tired of that pop-up warnings: "You start-up disk is almost full, delete some files to create space." every time I start my computer, finally I set out to 'clean up' my computer earlier today. One by one, I scanned through the files, pictures, and deleted to create space although I wasn't keen on doing it. While doing so, I encountered with following write up and the title clearly speaks: 

Dear,
 

I hope you are engaging well in preparation for the RCSC examination. I have known you as a very diligent and superbly dedicated person, so, I have no doubt that you will do just as great in examinations. Above all, you are such a sweet person I have ever known. The very short but precious time I got to spend with you in Thimphu is the best and memorable moment and I will cherish throughout my life. Your captivating beauty coupled with a divine figure blend so well with your dashing smile that you flash every now and then. I was totally mesmerized and carried away by your angelic presence. I could very well spend all the time I had in my life just looking at you. Strikingly simple person that you are, a love and care that you exude is just so beyond my word. For someone who had been a subject of repeated betrayals, I thought the God has finally answered my prayers in the form of angelic K!

I don’t know what to say; when your heart is full your mouth is numbed. But let me begin with what I am ought to say: I’m so sorry! I could very well relate now to what you told me that fateful night about your boyfriend being so “possessive”. I could understand how much you meant to him and there I can see the reason why he had to be that way. Because you are too precious to be lost to someone else! You are the best he had in his life and he couldn’t even imagine of losing you. I was so touched by his sadness and falling-life that he had been subjected to all because of my unjustified action in ‘keeping in touch’ with you. I’m so sorry! Dear, you made a right decision in choosing a guy; he certainly sounds like a great personality with generous humility. When I heard about his version of story, I just felt like crying. But more than crying, I feel like a culprit plotting all those dramas between you two. It is so unfortunate to have thought that I did it with full knowledge of you guys being in relationship. I wish I knew it before. Nevertheless, I’m very positive and hopeful that things could be changed to its original course. Please, accept my apology for being such a nuisance in you and your boyfriend’s united life. Like I often say, I have all positive things to say about you because of which I had drawn so much of hope and dreams from you. I will never ever forget it. Everything that I said and done are without clear knowledge of you guys being in a long built relationship. I have said everything that I felt about you and I meant what I said, but please do forgive me for that. I deeply regret for calling you during odd times (“when you guys were together”) and caused so much of unnecessary tension. Wish I knew you guys were together. That wasn’t my intention at all. I’m so sorry! I certainly looked like a selfish person always trying to pock nose and create problems in other’s life. I feel terribly bad for your fiancée. It doesn’t justify me to be happy when someone is so traumatized by the thought of losing you. You two have invested so much of time together in sustaining the relationship this far and it shouldn’t be ruined just like that; just because one selfish person acted on it. I hope he would understand me, Please make him understand. I sincerely beg you two’s forgiveness and request you to make this relationship successful. I know all too well the severity of pain and distress that he would have undergone because of this ‘breakup’ because I have been in such situation before and it makes me inexpressibly sad. I know how kind you are and how serious you are about making your and other’s life happy, so I hope you will take his possessiveness as a strong testimony for his love for you and make him happy throughout his life. You are a whole world to you and please don’t let his world fall apart. 

Lastly, in his interest and on my own moral responsibility, I shall forcefully remain cut off from you. But but but, you will always remain with me in my heart. I will pray to meet you and have a life together in the next life for in this life you were never meant for me. L You belong to someone else! He is such a lucky person in this world.  

I wish you a very good luck in the forthcoming examinations, and happy life ahead. I will always miss your Selena voice, flashy smile, angelic beauty and lovely personalities. Be the same throughout. 

Regards,

Paying Dues...

My phone is most of the times silent. By 'Silent' I mean, idle. Apart from the occasional calls from my parents, I hardly get any phone calls and the calls that I made is at a bare minimum. Only genuine ones I guess. And for some awkward reasons, I don't entertain to strange callers-meaning the calls I get from an unknown number. So, my NOKIA C5 phone which I have in my possession for last 3 years has quite often assumed the role of a clock. There were times when I forget to take it with me, which leaves  my parents and roommate worried about my whereabouts. Basically, I don't see any need for a 'smart' phone, after all no matter what kind of phone I possess, it would ultimately be sleeping soundly in my pocket.

Talking of sleeping, of late I have become so sensitive and easily distracted by the surroundings. No matter how mild a sound/noise, it destroys my night. I wasn't like that at all until very very recently. I used to sleep like a python without any worries of external disturbances. In other words, once into sleep, I was like a dead person. I am no more like that now. The possible reasons could be being in the heart of the town; I have been staying with my elder brother in a building in middle of the border town of Phuntsholing. From a bare dawn to  late night, the town will be in full live-sounds of people talking, yelling, crying, fighting, singing and cars honking and trucks trying hard to pick up. And by the way, the room is just opposite to the Mig Hall, the only cinema hall in the town, that plays loud musics to attract the movie lovers. The town doesn't go quiet until the very late night and this might have contributed to my erratic sleeps. I get totally tired fighting the loosing battle to sleep and after a long fight, I would be wide awake when the whole room is filled with snores. During some lucky nights, though, to my great relief, I get early sleep.

But my otherwise dead phone would make noise, then. Some random callers would give ire missed-calls and that is enough to wake me up for the rest of the night. I get totally tired rolling here and there on the bed trying to catch that mysterious sleep. I want nothing but a sleep and I would get just the opposite. Countless thoughts run into my mind worsening the situation even more. I have to put with headache and dizziness most of the days due to insomnia. As if like paying dues, I would try to sleep during day time in hope of getting back to my normal routine. However, the same problem continues would night after night.

After all I knew sleep isn't a due to be paid or compensated, its just something different and I have yet to fix this. I hope to fix this by requesting callers to refrain calling or miss-calling me at night or else I would go ahead switching off the phone, at least at night. :)