2020 - The Hope!

Here it is - the much awaited New Year 2020! I said 'much awaited' because the Year 2019 had been the toughest year for me and my family with serial of events happening, which I hope shouldn't happen to anyone. The 2019 New Year Eve shall remain the darkest day yet. It was on this day last year that we had to accept the true reality of life - the impermanence. Waking up to a phone call, I couldn't come to terms with what had happened. I wished I was simply going through a bad dream. An unplanned journey in a packed taxi, yet so lonely and dry. Never expected the New Year to unfurl in that manner even in my wildest thoughts. Every time I visit Thimphu, I purposely avoid the sight of Lungtenzampa MSS, in particular the basketball court. Our final approach to that ground was heartbreaking and the sight of a tent 'housing' him was unbearable. It still kills me to the core to recollect the scene of my beloved brother lying lifeless! The pain that I endured by the

A Spring of Hope

Back again! Yeah, to this blog. After repeated failed attempts to revive blogging, I am once again giving it a try. Perhaps, the one last time! I have always wanted to write, write and write something, because of which I have created this blog in the first place. But you know this writer's block? That's right, I am plagued by this block. Quite often I tend to have "brilliant" ideas running in my head and bubbling inside, but moment I reach out for pen and paper, I would be stuck with one sentence, not able to make an inch forward! At times, I write whole lot only to be discarded in the last minute. This time though, I have come back with a determination to continue writing something, at least something to keep my blog alive even if it's not worth reading! The idea is that eventually I might be able to come up with a worthwhile read, may be it would take a very long time, but I have made a start. That I believe is important. Lets keep the fingers crossed!  Mean

Where are you my Mr. Confidence?!

I want to say "I'm great, thanks!" every time anybody greets me or asks me either seriously or casually without meaning much, as is the case most often. But I can't say it cause doing so makes me feel guilty of not being truthful, although they won't know my reality or even care to know. So, "Hmm, I'm OK!" is normally my response. I know I am not doing great. Nothing is going as good as I wanted. Not that I have too many wants or too big of wants. Even the simpler wants don't seem to be falling into my way. The situation worsens by the each passing day as I helplessly gaze myself spiralling into the deepest level of hopelessness. Seeing me in such a bad shape, some of my mates would out of deep concern ask me "where is the positivity that you used to always exude?" My guess is just as good as theirs. That feeling of hopelessness creeps in every now and then, almost paralysing my academic pursuit forward. It is so frustrating but in

“The Imitation Game” --The Power of Mathematics

That was it; my brain wouldn’t register anything anymore, thanks to the terrible insomnia I suffered the night before. With terrible headache and blinding dizziness, the last place I wanted to be in was at the monotonous three-hour each English and computing classes! Yeah, you know what I meant? Elementary and obvious stuff-word document, excel, power point etc. All I wanted was to just go home and launch straight into the bed, so badly. But I couldn’t. My friends had a plan-the plan to go watch movie. “Come on, you should come, it will be fun”, says everyone, almost dragging me on. Yeah, why not, being a nice (obedient? :)  ) friend that I am, I hopped into the Bus to the Randwick city. My friends are a good mix of Cambodian, Nepalese, Bangladeshi, Mongolian, Indonesian and Fijian. The good thing about our group is that there is only one from each country, meaning we don’t have to deal with people conversing in their own language. The only complain if I may call is the d

But WHY? Why and why?

I've been scanned, literally, through to a lot of 'whys' and still I've yet to be over with 'why'. Almost everybody that I bump into there I get that anticipated ‘why’ flying rather instantly. My friends normally dub me mostly affectionately than matter-of-factly as a positive person, but I am quite doubtful as to how long I can stay positive if these ‘whys’ keep flowing! I don't blame anybody else for that matter since throwing those sorts of question keep me checked! But some times it gets tiring to hear over and over again to the extent that it begins to even sound offensive! Nevertheless, as the time passes by I bounce back to normal. Good thing about all these is that it gave me and continues to give me opportunity to reflect upon my course of actions hence leading to a newer and more importantly better perspective. It was in year 2007 that I got an opportunity to study mathematics in the United States under the auspices of Fulbright schol

A Bad Feeling! - Part III

My only hope was on the hot stream to do the job of ‘cooking’ the rice while we make our way to the monastery. Other was, of course, a miracle to happen! I believed in god. I cursed myself so much that I hesitated to even join the team. I didn’t know what or how to confess the truth. Through the phone, I hinted them the worst but it was for them to unearth the hint. Nevertheless, it was not going to fix the problem. When I reached the spot where my friends were believed to be waiting, I could barely breathe. I am so particular about time and I become impatient when people fail to stick to time. Today though, I felt like a hypocrite. When I saw madam Karma, I didn’t know what to say as she sounded lil mad while calling. But to my surprise, she was the only one waiting there. Upon enquiry, it seemed like others were still on the bed. We waited there for next 30 minutes or so. That time, I frowned at Karma saying that if she didn’t call me to hurry up, I could have even cooked new ri

A Bad Feeling! Part-II

Therefore, the day at such a heavenly place is a dream of many. I had dreamt for a few years, and thanks to the initiatives of my friends, I could finally be there. I had every reason to be happy and ecstatic about the day and the eventual destination. But I was not! I was disturbed by a thought, which I never intended to think but had to. Every single minute was a mental torture for me! I looked around to see my friends having best of their times, which I totally envied. I wished to be in their shoes but I knew I couldn’t. I was a severely disturbed lad on the block of hundreds of devotees. Hands firmly clasped into a form of lotus flower, I tried visualizing Buddha and Guru Rinpoche in an effort to drive away those bothering thoughts. Although I was surrounded by hundreds of people, I felt so lonely. If it wasn’t for my camera, I would have felt even lonelier; it was the camera that gave me the best of companion on that day. Not that my friends ignored me, I know they would never do